Dean Simon's Thoughts On Wrestlemania 22

Apparently, I'm supposed to be contributing to this here blog. I didn't know that. So I was asked to do some reviews of No Way Out and the Ring of Honor show I saw this past weekend. While I will get around to that eventually, the biggest event in wrestling happened last night and I'm sure you would all rather read that. So here goes.

I'm still not sure why I saw Wrestlemania last night. Everything leading up to it didn't feel like it was Wrestlemania. It felt more like a Summerslam. Nothing on the card had a big event feel to it. Mick Foley had a hardcore match with Edge. Big surprise there. Foley is a legend, sure, but he's also a big sellout willing to shill out to the public to promote his newest book. This isn't the first time we've seen Foley come back and it won't be the last. Vince McMahon is having another hardcore match with Shawn Michaels as well. They can call it a dream match all they want but it's not. A dream match is something a lot of people have wanted to see for years. The Rock vs Sting is a dream match. Steve Austin vs Goldberg is a dream match. When Michaels was on top nobody wanted to see him have a match with Vince. The closest thing to it was the main event of HHH vs John Cena and that's only because so many good wrestlers have jobbed to Cena in the past months that HHH is the only one left to beat him. So the card didn't look back, just boring. Middle of the road. Something to rent someday.

But because it's Wrestlemania, I saw it anyways. And it was exactly as I expected. Here's my review.

The show opened with the Big Show and Kane vs Chris Masters and Carlito. It was a good opener and a good match with four guys that make consummate tag teams. I could buy either of them as tag champions. Unfortunately, these four guys make up the entire tag division on Raw and if Masters and Carlito won the belts, we might have seen a title defense. Instead, Kane and Show went over in favor of setting up a Masters/Carlito feud. Many expected Carlito to turn face months ago and I'm glad he didn't as he plays a good heel but even I'm wondering what he can do as a crowd pleaser.

Next up was the Money in the Bank Ladder Match. This was the match I was looking forward to the most. Everyone in it, with the exception of Lashley, are good wrestlers and my prediction of Lashley, Finlay and Flair only being in it to ground them and keep it from being a spotfest was correct. I only wish the three Smackdown guys chosen were ones that had a chance at winning. The match had a lot of nice spots with Shelton running up a ladder and diving to the outside, Shelton jumping off the ropes and onto the ladder to pound RVD, and everything else Shelton did. Rob Van Dam won as he should have and maybe, just maybe, he will become world champion in the near future. Anyway, not the best match of the night but definitely not the worst.

After that, JBL faced Chris Benoit for the US title. The match was slow paced and not really boring but nothing to write home about. I would expect something like this on an episode of Smackdown, much less the biggest event of the year. JBL won by cheating so I'm not exactly upset that Benoit lost. Benoit deserves better anyway. And JBL is a mid-card heel and the US title is right for him. Second to worse match of the night.

I'm not sure if this happened later in the night but Booker T and Sharmell had a nice run-in with the "freaks" of wrestling backstage. Maybe it's just me but Booker T and Sharmell have been nothing but annoying lately doing the whole scared of the Boogeyman bit. How many times has Booker T won the world title? And now he has to pretend to be scared of worms? The match was nothing but a squash with no finisher and the only thing that saved it was Goldust's speech before the match. Booker T and Goldust need to re-unite.

Despite apparently not getting in shape at all for his match, Foley put on a nice display with Edge. The only thing I disliked was his mandible claw to Lita which seems so out of character for Foley. I can picture dropping an elbow off the empire state building to get a crowd reaction but attacking a woman? It seemed so wrong. The end of the match, however, was right with Edge spearing Foley through a fiery table. The last shot of Edge walking to the back, quivering, with blood in his eye was the cherry on top. What sucks about Foley losing is when did he last win a match? Carlito? That doesn't count. He's Carlito. Foley's name isn't going to mean anymore if he jobs to everyone. If Edge lost this match, he still would have walked away looking hardcore and having earned the respect of a lot of fans. Foley deserved the win more than he did.

Next up was the women's match and the best match of the night. Yeah. I can't believe I'm saying it either. Trish Stratus was the women's division for a while, even holding the title while out with an injury for months. How long is her title reign? 5 years? Mickie James is her only competition and the lead up to this match was brilliant aside from all the lesbianism. James plays the psycho diva perfectly, even better than Victoria did, and she has skills to back it up. She was very stiff with Trish at the beginning with led Trish to be stiff back. And let's not get to the wrestling. By god, the wrestling. This match put everything else to shame. It's a pity it ended with a botched Stratusfaction. If it went on for another two minutes after that, it all would have been saved but instead, we saw Mickie James use a very sloppy chick kick to the head to pin for the win. I'm looking forward to the rematch.

The Undertaker took on Mark Henry in what was expected to be the bathroom break of the night. Instead, the two guys put on a decent match with each other. The two have similar styles and it was better than Henry/Angle from the Royal Rumble. At one point, my friend turned to me and joked about Taker doing his plancha to the outside and over the casket. Not even three seconds after he said it, the Undertaker did just that. After coming off two great matches with Angle and carrying Mark Henry through an alright match, Taker deserves some props.

The next match was Shawn Michaels vs Vince McMahon. What was missing was an enforcer here. Someone to have Michaels' to keep others from interfering. Instead, six people ran in and Shawn fought them all. Not a bad match but nothing but a glorified squash. After seeing Vince one-up Shawn week after week after week after week, we all knew Shawn would win in the end but it just wasn't believable. Why didn't he do this weeks ago? It all ended with a big spot of Shawn dropping an elbow off a very high ladder onto Vince through a table. The problem was the drop didn't look that high and he missed the trash can so the impact wasn't that spectacular. Still, more gutsy than most guys his age.

The World Heavyweight Title match came up next and it was pretty good but too short. How many finishers were done and in how little time? The Booker T and lingerie matches should have been cut to allow this and the main event more time. Instead, it was short and sweet with Rey winning in the end.

Can I say how frustrated this finish made me? It's not so much Rey winning as it is how it all went down. Last week on Smackdown, we saw Angle make Rey tap out. Then Randy Orton ran in and Angle made him tap out. Angle beat Rey and made Orton tap when Orton wasn't even in the match. Neither of these guys deserved a title shot after that. Then during the match, we saw Angle make both Rey AND Orton tap while the ref's back was turned. If none of that happened, I would have bought Rey or Orton as championship material but not now. Rey lost his title shot at No Way Out. Rey tapped out to the champion last week. Rey tapped out during the match. And we're supposed to believe him as champion?

I don't review lingerie matches.

The main event saw Triple H take on WWE champion John Cena. I'll say this about Cena, I'm not a fan and I am not alone. I marked out for him back in the day, I admit. When he started the whole rapper gimmick, it was funny and him using whatever it took to win the match gave him street cred. He was a tweener. Still acting like a heel but getting the face reaction. Kurt Angle on a smaller scale without the talent. When he won the US title, he turned face and wasn't as edgy as he used to be. I still liked him. I liked his business with the Big Show and I liked his business with Carlito and Booker and JBL. His skills, however, were going downhill. He used less and less of his moveset and started doing the same six moves to win the match. Shoulder thrust. Shoulder thrust. Shoulder thrust. Blue Thunder Bomb. Five Knuckle Shuffle. F-U. It was boring. I bought him beating JBL for the title because, at the time, JBL was crap and Cena was better. I bought him being the champion on Smackdown because the talent pool was nothing and he was the big finish. What I didn't buy was clean wins over Edge, Chris Jericho, several times over Kurt Angle, and Triple H. He made Triple H tap out.

Chris Benoit made Triple H tap out. I'm not about to compare the two.

Except for the finish and whatever the hell the entrances were, the match wasn't bad. And the crowd hated Cena. For every fan he had, there were ten guys that hated him and weren't afraid to express their anger. It was fun to see a legend like Triple H get cheers and someone like Cena so many boos.

Looking back, however, the ending might have made sense. Whatever disgust fans had with Cena is not seething hatred for making Triple H tap out.

Raw is on tonight. Live from Chicago. The same crowd as last night. The same fans. If they were smart, they would turn Cena heel tonight and he will be the hottest heel in the company, everyone already hates him.

Oh yeah, Rey and Orton have a title match this week on Smackdown. Why Orton gets a shot and not Angle I don't know but the paper champion that is Mysterio should cherish his time on top now.