MySpace Haters and a Sudden Ephiphany

MySpace Haters and a Sudden Ephiphany
Current mood: sleepy

In all actuality I have been working on this post for a good three hours now. You will all be glad to know (or not!) that this wasn't written in chronological order, but rather this paragraph you are reading was written last, the middle was in the beginning and the end is a cut and paste from one of the groups I belong to. Some MySpace, illiterate crackhead who is out looking for his next Ms. Right here on MySpace. That should tell you all you need to about this guy. But he pissed me off to no end, and with MySpace turning into some technical abyss as of late, I decided to do some MySpace hating of my own.

As far as MySpace is concerned, I have just about had enough. With all the crashes, freezes, bogging down, error messages and Tom's annoying excuses about why MySpace happens to be having this difficulty or that difficulty`on top of me and a lot of my fellow MySpacers getting hacked as of late, I'VE JUST HAD IT! And, yes, I know that was a run on sentence, bite me. Makes a person wonder why Rupert Murdoch thought MySpace was worth the HALF BILLION he spent on it lately. You would think with that kind of cash they could upgrade to a better class of servers to save on the constant crashing.

I hate idiots. Now I am not a grammer freak, and Lord knows I mispell my fair share of words, but come on! If I am not trying to decypher internet shorthand (b4, h8, IC...) then I am trying to understand what the hell someone is trying to say because they completely lack the ability to put down on screen the logical thought they have going on in their mind. What's so hard about saying "My cat went up the tree" instead of "The tree outside with the cat in it is mine?" That was just one sentence to illustrate what I mean, so it might not seem that bad, but try to read a whole blog when it is written like that! I just move onto something else, I don't have the patience to try and make sense of it. Take pride with yourself! Nobody knows you, so if they take the time to read your blog, make it at least user friendly! I can't say enough about how you write and what it say's about you. Your writing is the first impression, and you all know how important the first impression is!

The bulletin boards! Damn people, they are supposed to be for announcments! "Hey, new blog posted, check it out!" Or "I am going to be appearing at such and such place on this day, come out and see me!" They are not for "Hey all, I just wanted to tell you I stubbed my toe. It freaking hurts", and "I think my friend Ashley is hot!" It isn't a big deal other then when everyone and their brother posts bs bulletins then ones that really say something get buried and never get seen. This is just a minor annoyance though, just thought I would mention it since I was hatin'.

MySpace crackheads. Posers, haters and hackers. Why is it that a select few can ruin a good thing for everybody? Why must people pretend to be others? Why hack an account to post bulletins pushing free cell phones and ringtones under someone elses name? Why talk a bunch of crap to people you don't know, about something you know nothing about, just because you can?

Here is the skinny on the fat ass crackhead who decided to go one on one with The Great One:

I went to one of the groups that I belong to and posted something about what I am doing in regards to being inspired to really give wrestling another shot in tribute to the late Eddie Guerrero. I never pass up an opportunity to tell everyone who I am and what I am about and giving Eddie the props he deserves. I tell everyone that Eddie Guerrero inspired me to be a better person and to truly try something extraordinary in tribute to his life. This joker got all offended and wrote a post addressed to the moderator talking out his ass about something he knows nothing about.

So, without further adieu, here is the transcript of quite possibly the most assinine person I have met here on MySpace, by far:

Posted: Aug 9, 2006 2:31 AM
By Jason
"I praise you for creating this group Ally. Eddie was a great man in and out of the ring. I had the pleasure of meeting him when he was still in WCW. I was a bouncer at a club he and several other superstars went to on one of their WCW Monday Nitro stops. Him, Rey Mysterio, Konnan, DDP, Chris Benoit & Dean Malenko came together in a limo and I got to shake hands with each of them, but unfortunately, I was unable to get any autographs or pictures with any of them because I was unable to leave my post to get paper or a camera. I got to talk to Eddie and Rey for about 15 minutes before they finally went in to join the other guys. We talked about how much of a fan of wrestling I was, and of them in general (moreso for Rey than Eddie at the time, but I did enjoy watching his antics). We also talked about Eddie's kids for a brief (he showed me pictures) and finally he and Rey gave me a LWO T-shirt Eddie had in the limo (unfortunately I lost it in the process of moving), but since none of us had a Sharpie, I didn't get to have it signed. I didn't get to say goodbye to them because I was handling a fight outside of the club when they left. Wouldn't it have been cool if they had come to help me?! Anyways, that was a memory I'll never forget. I've been a fan of wrestling since I was 2 yrs. old (going on 27 yrs. now) and I've got a lot of respect for the men and women who perform in that ring. Sure, wrestling's fake, but, it's entertaining and these people do a lot of stuff that I could never dream of doing. I can understand that Eddie made an impact on a lot of people's lives, but one thing I don't like is people who weren't family, friend or acquaintence of the man saying that they're going to do something in honor of his memory (like the guy who posted saying he was trying to become a wrestler in his memory), Eddie didn't know you or of you, so nobody will take you seriously about it. If you want to become a wrestler, do it because that's what you want and maybe because he inspired you to do so, but don't say it's in honor of him. That's cheap, pathetic and annoying. You can't even pattern your style after him when you're nowhere near his size or natural ability. Buddy Rose should slap you for saying that in the first place. I'm done."

Catchy, huh? Of course I had to respond and set this pathetic person straight, but I tried to be nice and all politically correct. Here is what I had to say to him:

Posted: Aug 9, 2006 2:43 PM

"Jason, I am very sorry you feel the way you do, it was not my intention to offend you, or anyone else. For that I am sorry. However, I am indeed, doing what I said I was doing, I am wrestling for Eddie. As far as Buddy Rose slapping me for saying that, well, he has been very supportive of me and the concept, why would he train me if he wasn't? What is wrong in saying Eddie inspired me to give this a shot? What is wrong with letting everyone know what he meant to me, and how I choose to honor him? I am sorry you didn't read my blog I have been maintaining for quite a while. In it I say plenty of times that I will never be able to touch Eddie as a performer. I say to all that reads it that I never expect to make it to the big time. What I DO say is that if I wrestle even just locally in front of dozens of wrestling fans, as opposed to hundreds, then I am calling this endeavor a success. I wrestle every week, and every week I get that much better. What do YOU do? In closing, I understand the point you were trying to make, and I respect that. And when I next step into the ring and climb to that second turnbuckle to look out to the crowd of fans in a moment of quiet reflection, I'll look for you, I promise!" VIVA LA RAZA! ~TGO

Of course the more I thought of it, the more pissed I got, so I had to write just a little bit more:
Posted: Aug 9, 2006 10:17 PM
"One more thing... The more I reread that, the more angry I become. Who in the hell are you to pass judgement on me? You assume too many things my friend. You said I am not anywhere near the body size of Eddie Guerrero. You are right, I am an inch taller then Eddie was. True, I am about twenty pounds heavier, but I am built like a brick house. I can't pattern my style after him? I can, and have landed the frog splash on numerous occasions. But that is also you assuming I pattern myself after Eddie. No I do not. I can't touch the guy, like I said in my first answer. You need to understand that I am not trying to BE Eddie Guerrero, I am just wrestling in his honor. That is my personal tribute to him. You write that I never met him or anyone who knows him, or he never knew who in the hell I was. And you know this how? So you met the guy once in a bar. Whoopdy freaking doo! Do you think he went back to the hotel and wondered and was impressed about that cool assed bouncer dude he talked to for a few minutes? I hate to burst your bubble but you ceased to be an afterthought exactley two seconds after he turned away from you. Don't get me wrong, I think it's cool you got a memory to cherish, but that comment you made was way out of line. What have you done in your life? Did Eddie inspire you in any way? Please, please, PLEASE don't tell me that the only inspiration he gave you was to talk crap about someone who actually chose to do something special in their life for him as opposed to your whining "I can't stand the fact someone came on here and had the audacity to speak of memorializing Eddie by stepping into the ring so I'll go cry to the moderator" self. My advise to you is this: If you must whine, make it for a nobel cause. Feed the children. Get out and vote. FIND A PASSION. Most importantly get off your lead ass and do something other then bash other people you don't know, or know anything about. I have said my peace. Go forth and prosper! And here is some kleenex to wipe your nose with.

~TGO

And of course he responded showing just how whittless this guy is:

Posted: Aug 10, 2006 12:09 AM
"I'm sitting here shaking my head in disbelief at how 2 people who are much younger than me can sit there and try to talk smack on me. Chris, I meant no disrespect with what I said. I'm just saying exactly what you just said to me...if you ever met the guy, you were just an afterthought to him as well. It's cool that you've been inspired by Latino Heat to start wrestling, and that you actually attempted a frog splash and hit it (I kind of feel sorry for the recepient...you look like you weigh a lot more than 20 lbs. heavier than Eddie's 235 lbs.). Sorry for pissing you off, but, my opinions are my opinions, so if you don't like them, ignore them. As far as Doug goes, I don't have time to sit here and argue with a 16 yr. old little non-spelling, obvious nerd who thinks he's cool because he says a few bad words and talks big to a grown man ON THE COMPUTER knowing damn well that I'd pull off my belt, bend you over and spank your ass like I was your daddy...and if he didn't spank you, he should have. Respect your elders little boy."

Umm, Jason? Look at my picture? Look close. I see a big guy who probably could stand to lose a pound or two. But your picture (and no I am not going to post it here, that is wrong) looks to me like the Pillsbury Dough Boy went on a taste testing spree of Sarah Lee's entire product line. You say in your profile you weigh 275 pounds. I weigh 260. Damn I look 100% better then you! I could put on the extra 15 pounds and get in the same room as you and STILL look better. My suggestion to you is shut your mouth and hit the gym. Do not talk smack unless you can back it up.

Ok, I am tired of writing. Oh, the ephiphany I spoke of?

MySpace can kiss my 260 lb Rock hard adonis ass! And Jason, pucker up, your next.

~Finis

Currently reading : The Yale Shakespeare: The Tragedy of Titus Andronicus By William; Edited By Witherspoon, A. M. Shakespear Release date: By 1926

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8/6 Wrestling Training Recap, and Dick Say's No!

Current mood: sore
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers

I need a car. Right now I am driving the truck, and it has served me well, but it's an older truck (Actually, I like older trucks, they made them to last back then!). The only knock against it is that it likes to go through the gasoline. And we all know the recent strain it's been putting on our pocketbooks, that damn gas pump, so I reluctently talked myself into getting a more economical ride.

That's where Dick comes in, from the storied "Dick Hannah Say's Yes!" auto dealership. Oh, Dick does say yes, to HIS terms only, the prick!

I live in Albany, Oregon, Dick Hannah's dealership is in Vancouver Washington. That's 80 miles each way. But since I go to Portland, just across the river from Vancouver, for wrestling, I thought what the hell.

The extra 20 miles last Sunday was a total waste of my time.

You all know it is my goal to become the second best wrestler to never make the bigtime. An admirable goal if ever there was one, but I have a way's to go yet. Right now I am about the 97th best wrestler to never make the big time, but moving up the ranks fast. Unfortunatley being even the second best doesn't pay a whole lot, so I have to have a day job, which is I am a Home Care Provider. And, unfortunatley, that doesn't pay a whole lot either. But, in place of a bigger paycheck I get the satisfaction of providing someone a better life for me being there.

So, herein lies the problem.

I need a car, a reliable car and one that allows me to do what I do in travelling for wrestling, but one that doesn't break my bank. So I have to do what most of the world does and live in a budget.

So I was working with a real nice saleslady named Tatiana, but I fall in a funny situation. I have a budget of what I want to spend for a car payment every month, and they want to sell me a more expensive car. It boils down to this, I can sign a paper and walk out right now with a brand new car, I don't even have to have any money down to do this. But I have a larger payment. But if I want a smaller payment I need a good used car, but the bank won't finance it unless I come up with a big downpayment. It has something to do with the life expectancy of the car, that I might stop paying on my loan if the car turns to junk before the life of the loan is paid off. Go figure. Basically they wanted me to spend the same amount on a car payment that I had budgeted out for a car payment AND insurance.

Needless to say I ended negotiations and decided to go elsewhere. I may be dumb, but I ain't stupid.

Now I need to explore the car pool option. IF THERE IS ANYONE IN THE ALBANY, CORVALLIS, EUGENE OR SPRINGFIELD OREGON AREA AND YOU WANT TO BECOME A PRO WRESTLER, I HAVE PERMISSION FROM BUDDY ROSE AND COLONEL DEBEERS TO RECRUIT ONE PERSON. SERIOUS INQUIRIES ONLY. DROP ME AN EMAIL AND WE CAN TALK. But we will be sharing a ride and gas, that's the price, HA!

Ok, now for the wrestling training recap.

I wrestled twice. Basically we used to start training at ten am, and finished up around 1:30/2 in the pm. but for the last couple of months we start at nine and finish at noon to beat the heat. So it cut's down on our training time. Where I would wrestle four times, now I am down to 2, but that's ok, it will pick up after it cools down a bit.

In my first match I wrestled Elvis. Those of you who have read the previous wrestling training recap will remember my mentioning him, so I won't go into it again, but if you missed it, go back in the archives and see. Elvis is actually doing quite well. He has only been at it for about a month, and has a long way to go, but he's picking it up. In wrestling someone who is limited in their ability it really shows you where your game needs work. For instance I learned the huge difference between being a leader, and being a follower. Since I am reletively young in my career, usually I am in there with someone who has more experience, therefore they called the match. The person calling the match is the person who controls a lot of the psychology, so in a sense the one calling it is working a little harder. I don't have to call the spots, slow the action down or speed it up in correlation to the story being told, I just have to wrestle and can concentrate on trying to make the callers job a little easier. But, for once, I was the one calling the match, and it's a lot harder then it looks. Basically it was a monkeys match, very few high spots, in fact it was a match of low spots, but it went ok. Elvis needs to stop being so timid, he performs the move in slow motion, like he is hesitant, and that screws up the timing. But, I was, and still am a lot like that myself I suppose, wrestling full speed for me is slower for a vet, and the same goes for Elvis when he was wrestling me. Overall I think I learned a lot from that match.

Second match I wrestled someone I don't remember his name, he was a newbie too. he is a little more athleticically gifted then me, so he seems to pick up the moves pretty quick. He needs to learn the psycholgy, which is where I am at too, but I think he might surpass me. Good looking kid who I like to work with!

That's it. Remember, if you live in the neighborhood and want to be trained as a professional wrestler by some of the best the old school has to offer, Colonel DeBeers and Playboy Buddy Rose, get in contact with me. Other then that, have a good week everyone, and I'll be back with more on my wrestling journey when I have something to write about!

~Chris

Currently listening : Stadium Arcadium By Red Hot Chili Peppers Release date: By 09 May, 2006

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Finally...A bulletin worth reading I'VE BEEN HACKED!

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Finally... bulletin worth reading I'VE BEEN HACKED! Current mood: angry Category: Life Hello everyone!It seems like some low life loser is going around and compromising peoples accounts. I recieved an email from someone telling me that they didn't leave any bulletins lately, and especially ones pushing free ring tones and cell phones and to check out this hot chicks pics. I foolishly wrote back and stated since it looked like no real harm was done that it's not that big a deal (This person is well known and image is everything. The crap being posted under his name compromises his integrity). But, I can now catagorically state once it happens to you it really pisses ya off. Whoever is doing this I HOPE YOU DIE OF GHONNORHEA AND ROT IN HELL YOU SELFISH, NO LIFE HAVING CONNIVING, WHORE HOPPING SON OF A BITCH! NO ONE WANTS YOUR FRIGGIN FREE RINGTONES, YOUR CHEAP ASSED CELL PHONES OR WANTS TO SEE SOME PICTURES OF A CHICK WHO LOOKS LIKE HER MOTHER WAS UGLY AND HAD SEX WITH A RETARDED HYENA. GO TAKE A LONG WALK OFF A SHORT CLIFF YOU BASTARD. Ok, now I feel better. No I don't, KISS OFF YOU PRICK! A little FYI: 1: I WILL NEVER ADVERTISE FREE RINGTONES IN ANY BULLETIN. Frankly I think people who spend big bucks to make their phone sound like a friggin Opera, Rap station, Benadictine Monk Convention or Looney Tunes family reunion is just plain dumb for wasting their money. Today's cell phones come preloaded with 95 different ringtones anyway, and just because you have a different ringtone from everybody doesn't make you cool, it makes you a lot less rich for having bought them. But they are advertised for free you say? Well, if you believe that then you are probably a lot more stupid then I gave you credit for, ain't nothing free. Save your money and spend it on a college course, maybe it will smarten ya up a bit. 2: I WILL NEVER ADVERTISE A FREE CELL PHONE IN ANY BULLETIN. For reasons listed above, and any "free" cell phone I have ever seen suck ass and are just cheap pieces of crap. So if you want to look like you picked your cool assed phone up at Goodwill, then by all means, go for it. If you need a free cell phone and can't afford to buy a decent one, then heres a clue; you don't need or can't afford a cell phone in the firstplace. 3: I WILL NEVER EVER IN A MILLION YEARS ENDORSE A SITE HERE ON MYSPACE MERELY ON THE BASIS IT HAS A HOT CHICK IN THE PICTURES. First of all, why waste my time, I would be trying to advertise or endorse mine before some fake assed lame chick from Walla Walla Washington. I am here to meet interesting people, but the more time I spend on here, the more I realise more often then not everyones a fake. And the few credible people here are forever being taken advantage of and being impersonated. Heres a bit of advise, from me to you, that hot assed chick you go drooling over? She's either some fat, skanky, toothless, body odor emmiting, depends wearing piece of trailer park trash, or your Mother. Oh, or some 12 year old prepubescent kid who get's a kick out of leading you around by your 2 inch member. In closing, yes and I believe you can tell I am pissed off. I am so tired of posers and wannabes and and hackers! This place called MySpace has the potential of being a really cool place where celebritys can interact with their fans, and people like me who are young in (place the name of your favorite business here, for me it's wrestling) can find people to network with. I am sick and tired of trying to forge contacts and business relationships in the wrestling industry, only to have the REAL people that could help me be skittish because they have been bitten so many times before. So, THANKS YOU FRIGGING LOSERS! BECAUSE OF YOUR LOW SELF ESTEEM WHERE YOU HAVE TO PRETEND TO BE SOMEONE ELSE, OR HACK OTHER PEOPLES ACCOUNTS, YOU MADE IT ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO DO WHAT I CAME HERE TO DO. I can now almost bring myself to say that MySpace just isn't worth it anymore.Have a wonderful weekend, and posers and hackers? JUST DIE ALREADY. Or get a life! ~Chris The above written text is from a bulletin I posted upon realising I was hacked by a MySpace crackhead. Bulletins come, and bulletins go, but my blog, hey, it's posted here for posterity. Now, I am off to bed, I have wrestling tomorrow. G'night people! 2:24 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Reminiscing and other whistful Endeavors

Reminiscing and other whistful Endeavors
Current mood: thoughtful

"You know, there was always something special about Eddie Guerrero. And face it, three months to the one year anniversary of his death and his legend continues to grow! Everyone talks of this intangible "it factor", yet no one has ever explained quite what it is. It's an abstract idea at best. But in regards to Eddie, he had "it". Whatever IT is.

His mission on this earth was a short one, to be sure, he was sent from God to show people the way to conquer your demons and rise from the ashes. And it is possible because he did it!

Some interesting facts:

1 He lived for years abusing his body, mind and soul. He should have died at least three times, and he lived to clean himself up and surpass even his wildest dreams. Yet, four years after becoming sober and living a very healthy lifestyle he dies. He was in peak condition. I don't buy the whole his body gave out after all those years of abuse theory. What happened was his work was done and the Lord called him home. We will all see him again someday, I know this to be fact!

2 The whole last straw of his addiction where he lost his job came to a head in Minneapolis, MN. He was so wasted that his wife Vickie put his ass on a plane, he had to be wheeled to his flight in a wheelchair. Upon his arrival in Minneapolis Jim Ross finally saw the kind of shape he was in and immediatly sent him to rehab, for which he relapsed and eventually lost his job. Is it just coincidence that Eddie passed away in a hotel room in Minneapolis?

3 When Eddie wrestled Brock Lesnar at No Way Out for the WWE World Championship Brock can be heard yelling several times "Die Eddie! Just Die!" Brock hails from Minneapolis.

4 In the documentary "Cheating Death, Stealing Life: The Eddie Guerrero Story", longtime friend Dean Malenko makes the statement that he, Chris Benoit and Perry Saturn agonized over going to WWE management and asking for help because Eddie was in bad shape. He said, in part "...part of me wanted the office to see Eddie. I didn't want to protect him anymore. But if we didn't do something I knew we would find Eddie dead in his hotel room..." That's how they found him.

Anyway, I just felt the compulsion to share this with you. Have a wonderful day!

~Chris"

I left the above mentioned text on someones blog comment section.

I don't know why, but Eddie Guerrero has been on my mind a lot lately. For several nights in a row I have found myself watching "Cheating death, Stealing Life: The Eddie Guerrero Story". I mean really watching it. Not just listening to the words and perusing the pictures on the screen, but literally taking it in, breathing in every ounce of what was Eddie. In watching his matches I study the little things he did, the facial expressions, the way he carried himself during the different stages of the match. How he could control the crowd and make them laugh or cry or love or hate him.

And a part of me feels really guilty. I really appreciated Eddie when he was alive, but something about his death stirred something in me to follow my dream!! Eddie Guerrero really lit a fire under my ass to be the best I can be. But it's harder then I ever realized. I can never be my best, I know this. But I can always try. I feel guilty because it took the death of Eddie to finally get me to say F*CK IT! I am going to see what I can do with my dream! And I take his words to heart. He said something to the effect of he wished his life could inspire at least one person. He was talking about others learning from his mistakes, from his life long battle with the disease of alcohol and drug addiction. Fortunatley I don't have that monkey on my back, but I can apply this to other aspects of my life.

I love Eddie Guerrero. And if he was still alive I would have loved for him to see he inspired me to go for the gold. But, I know he is in a way better place, and I KNOW that he can see me.

And my heart aches for his wife and three daughters. For his Mother who was forced to bury her son! That must be so hard, it goes against the natural order of things. Chavo, Hector, Mando Linda and Cuqui. Chavito. His close friends, Chris Benoit and Dean Malenko. All the boy's in the locker room! Vince, Linda, Stepahnie and Shane, they all lost an amazing individual who made their lives shine just that much brighter for having known him.

I know people who are not and have never been wrestling fans. Still they can tell you who Eddie Guerrero was! That is a true measure of greatness, Eddie transcended the wrestling world and brought his name and message to the masses.

I was watching Eddies match that he had at "When Worlds Collide" PPV when he teamed with Art Barr in the infamous Hair vs Masks match with El Hijo Del Santo and Octogan. It hit me hard that Both Eddie and Art are now gone. The girlie I speak of on many a blog entry used to pal around with Art when they were kids! Sandy Barr, Arts father, was a regular on the flea market circuit as was the girlies grandparents. In watching that match both Eddie and Art were so full of life, so strong. A long decade later and both Eddie and and Art belong to the ages, their matches playing in your memory.

But Eddies not dead. To me he is just as alive as he was that night he and Art tore the house down at "When Worlds Collide". Because I choose to keep his memory alive in my own way, by being the best I can be and chasing my dream! I don't know how far I'll make it. Or if I even will MAKE it. But I can be the best that I can be, and I think Eddie would have appreciated that. No, It's not how Eddie died that got me to moving on this dream, it's how he lived, and how he really did live! Eddie, I love you, and I miss you. Tell Art hello from the girlie for me, and I'll continue to do my best to make you proud. You do, and always will live in my heart.

~Finis

Currently listening : The Definitve Collection: Time in a Bottle By Jim Croce Release date: By 12 March, 2002

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Lost in the woods with a crazy person and a hatchet, and my cell phone service sucks

Lost in the woods with a crazy person, a hatchet and my cell phone service sucks Current mood: exhausted Category: Blogging Welcome ladies and gentleman, in lieu of this weekends wrestling training recap I bring in it's stead a look into the twilight zone! I love camping, I really do. But before I can come to explain how I came to be lost deep in the Willamette National Forrest with a psycho, a hatchet and 94 beers, we need to step back in time a bit for some background info. One of the things I am most proud of is my Native American Heritage. So anytime a powow comes anywhere close to my vicinity, me and the girlie likes to pack up the kids and go. About three months ago we went to one that was held at the Linn Benton Community College, and it was there that the girlie met Cindi Psycho (the name has been changed to protect the deranged). Oh, at the time I first met CP she seemed nice enough. She was a single part time parent who was fighting her parents for full custody of her daughter. She had painted this picture of having been cheated out of her parental rights by her conniving parents and she was just trying to better herself and her situation by going to college and seeking legal redress through the courts. Frankly I only ever talked to her that day at the powwow and a little (actually a lot) this past week, however the girlie took to her like a flea to a dog and totally got drawn into this woman's madness. Last Monday I check my email, and the girlie left me a strange email saying "It's a girl!" Concerned and totally bewildered I called the girlie up and was told CP had dropped her little 9 year old daughter off at the door asking for her to babysit while she went to her class at the college. Well, with a subject line left in the email like it was I knew something wierd was afoot. CP never came to pick her daughter up. Tuesday rolls around and the girlie left to take the kids camping, and the little girl went with her. To make a long story short, the girlie asked me to bring CP up to the campsite when I came up Friday. On Wednesday I get a phone call from the friendly folks at the Corvallis Police Department asking if I knew where this little girl was! Well, you may all know, if you are faithful readers, that I do a lot of work at the Linn County Sheriff Office, so breaking the law isn't in my forte'. Stopping short of selling the girlie totally down river I got off the phone, and called the girlie up and told her what had happened. Thursday found me at the Sheriff Office and I get a call, to come inside, THEY wanted to know what was going on. Ok, at this point the heat was definitely on! Let's just say about an hour later, as I am back outside doing some work at the office the girlie tells me the Sheriff Office, the National Park Service and one other agency she couldn't identify came to the campsite and "repo'd" my new found daughter. Friday comes. I borrowed the girlies mothers van for the trip, CP comes over about an hour late and we take off for the woods. Mind you I have never been to this place deep in the woods before, and it was getting dark. As I am driving CP is sitting in the passenger seat doing what she does best, rambling on about nothing and I am just trying to do my best to ignore her. I knew she wasn't right in the head, but the thought of relaxing by the campfire and downing my fair share of brews had a way of masking the thought I had to spend the weekend with someone way out there, like Pluto! (Obscure reference and inside joke). We stopped by a store on the way to pick up a couple bags of ice, some soda and charcoal lighter fluid. On the way out the door I ask CP to please grab the ice and we load up and continue up the road. About 30 miles further I figured out CP forgot the ice, and the crazy bitch offers to get out, walk back to the store to get it! Boy, how I wish I had let her. At any rate... We get to the entrance of the campground. It is pitch black outside, I am in a borrowed van and I don't know where in the hell the girlies at. I have Hannibal Lecter next to me and I am about to drive deep into the woods to try and find the cooler of beer, because believe me at this point I need it. So, I take a deep breath, turn the wheels down the gravel road and hope for the best. Now this gravel road ambles on forever, and forks off about 27000 times. Fortunately the girlie made little signs for me to follow, and I used every single one except for the last one, which I unfortunately missed, resulting in me going way way off course and up this little two track. I finally stop when the trail gradually faded away and I found myself in a very delicate situation indeed. On my left hand side there is a long drop off to the Santiam River below, to my right side is a wall of rock 3 stories high. So, with no place to turn around, and a long mile or so to back a borrowed van without going off a cliff, I decide I better lock the van and walk out, and try to find the girlie on foot. Oh, by the way, it was at this point I found out my cell phone didn't have service in the woods. The girlies does, mine don't, so Verizon? Kiss off you pricks! At any rate, I knew I could get the van in the daylight, and hiking is a fun part of camping, but, remind you, it's pitch black out, and my stupid ass didn't bring a flashlight. I am several miles into a forrest I have never been in before and my savior at this point turned into being CP. She had one of the girlish versions Swiss Army knife, and it had this tiny little penlight on it. So here I am, leading CP and carrying my essentials down a mountain pass. After a couple hours I find the girlie at last and then the crazy stuff starts to happen... The girlie is screaming at me, CP takes off into the woods, I am yelling back and saying I ain't chasing after anyone in the dark, the beer is warm (I didn't see the ones in the cooler, just the ones still in the box, so I made due with a soda) the step daughters prancing around nickering like a horse (It's a game she play's) and the boy's just sitting back taking this all in. The girlie storms out to the car and takes off, I go to bed. The next thing I know I hear yelling, it's the girlie and CP fighting by the the campfire. CP takes off her only sweater and throws it into the fire, and the girlie crawls into the tent and pleads with me to lay next to her on the air mattress so CP won't be next to her. We spent a while trying to sleep as the crazy loon howled at the moon, that ain't no joke! It turns out CP hangs out all night at the fire, cold as hell, (it gets in the 40's at night) for the rest of the night. Ok, the next morning the stories start. CP said the previous morning she woke up in her apartment to someone standing by her bed holding a gun to her head, and then at night, when we were sleeping, she "went for a walk" and ended up at some strange cabin deep in the woods and some hermit held her at bay with a rifle. She somehow got away and comes back to the campsite and instead of waking us up to tell us there is a scary hobbit at large, she just hangs by the fire. Let me get this straight, she wakes up to guns, ends the day miles away from home, deep in the woods with a gun pointed at her...boy this girl really needs to write a book, her life must be exhausting! At any rate I decide I need to go to get the van so I can go into town to pick up some more ice (remember, CP forgot to grab it on the way up?). CP then say's she feels less then wanted and ask if she can go with me so she can call for someone to pick her up. Of course I oblige, and a little bit later I find myself alone in a vehicle with CP. We get to town, and no one answers the phone for CP. She then states she would rather walk the 70 or so miles back to town then go back into the camp. Being the gentleman that I am, I let the bitch go. Good riddance I say! My last vision of her was a broad back walking up the road, and I would be lying if I said I wasn't more then a little thrilled to see her go. Later, back at camp, the girlie and I discovered CP spent the night next to our woodpile (and howling at the moon!), with a hatchet in plain view. Goosebumps anyone? I spent the remainder of the day fishing with the boy, and getting ready for the extra long drive I would be making up to Portland the next day for wrestling. HOWEVER, I find out the girlies mother was quite pissed I was lost, or rather her van was lost, the previous night, and let it be known that I didn't have her permission to take it anywhere. My cell phone didn't work in the woods so I couldn't call Buddy Rose and Colonel DeBeers to let them know I wouldn't be there, and the girlies cell phone needed to be charged, SO... The girlie puts her cell phone on the charger in the car to charge, and forgets she left the car on ALL FREAKING DAY, so of course the car is deader then dead. I don't blame the girlie though, in fact my heart aches for her, she tried so hard! All she wanted was to spend some time up in the woods with her kids, me and a friend, and it turned into a fiasco! At any rate 1:30 am rolls around and it's time for me to go. I have to get back to work, and I needed to pick up the radar trailer early in the morning for the Sheriff Office. But what was I gonna do? Leave the girlie in the woods with a dead car? So I spent an hour and a half driving home to pick up jumper cables (there was none in the van), an hour and a half driving back to the woods, helped the girlie load the last of the stuff into her car (she decided when I left to get the cables she wanted to go home too) and another hour and a half to the girlies mothers house to drop off the van. I picked up the truck, drove to the Sheriff Office to pick up the SALT car to get the trailer, and drove halfway the distance towards the forrest to pick the trailer up and haul it back to town. When it was all said and done it was after 10 am. But Sunday was all worth it. As a family we had one good day! Me and the boy spent some time fishing, then we took turns swinging way out over the water on a rope swing and jumping in. Then the girls and us boys slipped and slided over the rocks WAY WAY down stream to the rock slide (fast rapids and a curvy section of rocks carved out by Mother Nature) and then repeated the trip back to the campsite. The girlie made dinner (hobo pies, yum! :-}) and we spent some good time at the fire. Well, that, as they say, was that. And how was YOUR weekend? Not as adventurous as mine I dare say! Ok, next weekend, back to wrestling. And Eddie Guerrero? I have been thinking a lot about you lately...Wrestling sure isn't the same. I miss you dude! ~Chris Currently listening : Beautiful Day in the Cold Cruel World By The Warren Brothers Release date: By 27 October, 1998 12:45 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment